Finding the right spouse or mate isn't easy. There's no perfect recipe for landing the right spouse. But when you're out on the market, you might want to think long and hard about what you're doing to find the right person. And more importantly, it's also wise to think about what you shouldn't be doing to find "the one."
So if you're looking for a long term relationship but find yourself having trouble landing "the one," it might help to know the mistakes people make when putting themselves out on the singles market.
Here are some of those mistakes.
Mistake #1: Having unrealistic expectations. While there's nothing wrong with setting your expectations high, we've all met the girl who only talks to you if you're an investment banker or doctor. Similarly, there are those men who want to marry a Kim Kardashian lookalike. There's nothing wrong with wanting an attractive woman-- but expecting her to have an airbrushed body might be unrealistic, especially since those photos you see of Kim online are, well, airbrushed.
Mistake #2: Not taking care of yourself. While everyone wants to believe that they are being chosen for their personality and inner self, the truth is that impressions are made in a split second. As author Malcolm Gladwell writes, impressions are made in the blink of an eye. If you are on the singles market, spend the time on proper grooming, taking care of your body, and carrying yourself with confidence (i.e. don't slouch).
Mistake #3: Thinking you can change them. As you choose a mate, it's easy to focus on the good and ignore the bad, thinking that the person will change once they are married. But the reality is that people don't always change. And to make the biggest decision of your life with the hopes that the other person will change is being naive. Actually, it's more than naive, it's plain reckless.
Mistake #4: Choosing someone with different values. You won't always find someone whose views are the carbon copy of your views. Besides, it's wise to remain open minded. But to choose someone whose core views are incompatible with your core views is a mistake. Motivational speaker Hosai Mojaddidi writes on her blog: "avoid opposing life plans."
Mistake #5: Swearing by love at first sight. If you're putting yourself out there with the idea that "you'll know" the minute you see your future spouse is a recipe for disaster. Yes, love at first sight exists. But not every interaction is love at first sight. And in many cases, what you believe is love at first sight is a combination of lust and nerves. If you're putting yourself out there with the idea that your heart will beat profusely and butterflies will dance in your stomach when you meet "the one," you might already have passed up the chance to meet "the one."